Motherhood journal: 1st Mother’s Day

My first Mother’s Day.

The greatest love, joy, strength, responsibility.

Happy Mother’s Day to those that can honor, remember, spoil, or love up on the mamas today.

And please take care and time for yourself mama. You are doing incredible things all day everyday that go unseen and without acknowledgement.

I see you. You are an amazing mother. You give and give. Let today be a reminder of the worth and value of giving to yourself too.

Motherhood is pushing me outside my comfort zone. It is forcing me to be strong in moments I feel weak, to be mindful in times I want to tune out, to show up when I want to escape. It is always pulling me into the present. Into the here and the now. While I experience a constant hum of worries, assessing possible risks in every situation or wondering "how will I protect her?", the present moment consistently demands my attention. And I show up.

I can show up and go through the motions. I often do. I am tired, desperately wanting to tap out, yet I show up anyway. But. When I can truly show up. That. That is where life feels…WOW. Complete. When I can show up completely. As the best version of myself. As all of me. That's the good stuff. That is the sweet nectar of this life. Me and my beautiful baby, living, breathing, and being in harmony. 

Showing up as my whole self feels so much more beneficial for her than showing up as what can sometimes feel like a shell of me. It's funny though. To show up fully, I absolutely need time to be more than a mother. To tend to and care for all the things that make me feel like me. To play violin, write, practice yoga, hang out with friends, coach my clients. My best version is most present when she has had time. What a totally crazy feeling. To want to spend every single moment with her. But to know that those moments together can be better with moments apart. Ugh it really pulls at my insides. This love is so deep.

I know it is worth it all.  

❤︎ Emily

Ashley Halas Photography